Saying no is our birthright. In other words, we have the privilege of being able to set healthy boundaries and decide what we want to do in any situation. Sometimes, we may not want to do anything, and that’s perfectly okay.
Keeping my life sane is becoming a priority, and I pave that path to a place of sanity with each of my own personal decisions. Like all of us, I realize that I can only be stretched so far, before I reach a breaking point.
Deciding to Say “No”
Just this past month, some friends asked me to go to listen to a couple of highly regarded speakers. I actually enjoy listening to and learning from these lectures. However, because of a strong, pervading feeling that, for me, this is not the time for learning from others, but a time for going inward, I declined. I feel strongly that this time, personally speaking, is about receiving my own insights. But how could I explain that to my friends? In these cases, I just told them what I felt, and it was fine with them.
That sanity roadway has lots of things vying for my time. It’s obvious that if I say yes to everything at my disposal, I will get little accomplished on any level, and I can suffer by feeling stressed. All the things on my “no” list are there for a reason. What’s more, I see all those “nos”as “yeses for my wellbeing,” but that’s another blog post!
It Can Be Hard to Say No
I have to admit that one of the hardest things to say no to is a request from a friend or even an acquaintance. I get stuck thinking that I have to solve other people’s problems, or that I have to be nice and say yes when I want to say no. Thankfully, my rational mind realizes the folly of all that. Society taught me that being helpful was extremely important, at the expense of what I feel and want. Phooey on following my inner guidance, or what I want to do! Ultimately, I had to be prepared for the reality that saying no because I’m being authentic doesn’t always win accolades.
Inside me right now, it feels like I am nurturing a seed that has become a huge, precious plant, green and lush. This plant is Life. It has all it needs, as I prioritize caring for its growth within me. Because of this, I’ve been spending more time in quietness. I don’t feel I’ve missed anything, though. My heart is important.
What is Truly My Responsibility
You may be wondering how this all fits in with our responsibility for people and the planet. What frequently comes to mind is this quote by Ram Dass. He said, “I can do nothing for you but work on myself…you can do nothing for me but work on yourself!” This is wise, and helpful. It’s not always the case that others can help themselves in the moment, but it’s something to consider. I think what he meant was that ultimately, I can’t open your heart and truly bring about change for you. Only you can open your heart and accept yourself and all the love around you. When this happens for more and more people, and they awaken, the work of caring for others and our planet will naturally flow from these changed hearts.
I think the whole argument about helping others to our own detriment boils down to the belief that others need saving, and that we should do it for them. Many of us were taught this, and unless we question and change that belief, we continue living that way. In other words, we can be living the life of one who saves others, instead of a life where we find out who we truly are. Our own path, our authenticity, doesn’t involve saving others, as much as being love and acceptance.
We are Already Healed
I actually believe and practice the idea that all of us are already healed in every way as Source energy beings. It’s just that we aren’t aware of it yet. We live in varying degrees of awareness of that fact. I think that when we awaken to who we really are, any dysfunctional ways of being naturally begin to fall by the wayside. I’ve experienced this in myself and my clients.
Follow Your Heart
Having to say “No” and setting boundaries with others, doesn’t necessarily feel good in the moment. In my experience, it has been challenging, but I have reaped big rewards! I wholeheartedly recommend following your heart, and remembering that all that really matters is opening the heart of love. We can only do this for ourselves.